I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
