maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
