yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
