You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
