If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
