Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
