I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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