I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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