So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
