You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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