Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
