Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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