I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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