So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
