Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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