Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's like iHOP with fire
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
