Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
