At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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