Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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