She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
