just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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