im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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