Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My penis needs a shock collar
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
