Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
