I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
