Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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