nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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