finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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