Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish i was in the wii world.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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