Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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