I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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