I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
