What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
