Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
