if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Panties = found
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