Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
