yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
