All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
