he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
