dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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