what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
