He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
