They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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