He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
