I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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