Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
