Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
