so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
