Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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