Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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