my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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