ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You dont lie about slip and slides
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
