Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
