he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
