Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
